the tindog coffeehouse

Yes, cow patty pens: handcrafted pens made from “flecks of brown suspended in a clear plastic, looking almost like wood from a distance.” (Almost.)

Listening to Lopez describe how he arrived at his production method is like listening to a scientist describe a breakthrough discovery. The cow patties can’t be too dry but they can’t be too fresh, either. Also important is the type of feed the cattle in question are eating.

Eligible patties must be made from pure coastal grass, never grain, Lopez said adamantly, gesturing with both hands otherwise the patty “won’t be natural.”

Once selected and harvested, the winners are ground into a powder, placed in a tray and mixed with a plastic resin. After four days, he can cut the hardened plastic into small blocks for further custom milling. He said it’s the hardest substance he has ever cut because of sand ingested by the cows along with the grass.

The blocks are spun on a wood lathe at 3,900 revolutions per minute, worked into a cylinder, assembled with parts bought from a catalog and polished. The process yields 10 to 15 pens and takes six to eight hours, Lopez said.

(Hey, Mike Rowe, this sounds right up your alley!)

The pens sell for $45. The perfect gift for the senator or congressman in your life!