the tindog coffeehouse

Napoleon Dynamite: Well, nobody’s going to go out with me!
Pedro: Have you asked anybody yet?
Napoleon Dynamite: No, but who would? I don’t even have any good skills.
Pedro: What do you mean?
Napoleon Dynamite: You know, like nunchuck skills, bow hunting skills, computer hacking skills… Girls only want boyfriends who have great skills.

Esquire has come up with a list of 75 skills every man should master. OK, I’ll bite. How do I measure up?

As with any list of this type, much of these “manly skills” are extremely basic things that everyone should be able to do:

3. Take a photo.
9. Write a letter.
31. Make a bed.
38. Tell a joke.
58. Avoid boredom.
61. Make bacon.
62. Hold a baby.

Are these really “skills”, per se? I mean, in that case, add “tie your shoe” or “hold your breath underwater” to the list.

And I’m not really sure how “knowing some birds” (#74), “describing a glass of wine in one sentence” (#32), or “explaining what a light-year is” (#57) makes a guy more manly.

Christy gave me one of the coolest Christmas gifts last year: The Dangerous Book for Boys by Conn and Hal Iggulden, “a guide book for dads as well as their sons, as a reminder of lore and technique that have not yet been completely lost to the digital age.” Covering everything from tying knots to grammar to skipping stones to the Battle of Thermopylae, it’s a much better guide to manliness than anything Esquire could come up with.