the tindog coffeehouse

OK, I promised myself I wouldn’t publish any more blog posts about Knut the formerly-cute, still-German polar bear. But I just had to laugh at the latest AP story about the arrival of the bear’s new “lady friend” Giovanna.

The article was quick to point out that the two animals won’t be mating since two-year-old polar bears aren’t yet sexually mature. But then it adds the following footnote:

Knut was hand-raised after his mother rejected him at birth. He rose to stardom in 2007 as a cute white ball of fluff, but has since grown into a hulking predator.

A hulking predator! Wow. That’s quite a departure from the AP’s last story about him, which described him as “beloved”. And several months before that, they labeled him a “superstar” (while zoologists were calling him a “psychopath”.)

So there you have it: Knut the once beloved superstar turned psychopath predator. Why does that sound familiar?(*cough* OJ Simpson *cough*)

Previously:
Knut not so cute, gets the boot
Knut the ‘psychopath’ polar bear now considered ‘beloved’

The AP is reporting that Knut, Germany’s once-famous “beloved” polar bear, is able to stay at home in the Berlin Zoo after the zoo paid out a $600,000 settlement over an ownership dispute.

Beloved? Since when?

Last time the now-brownish bear was in the news, zoologists had labeled him a “psychopath”, and he was being kicked out of the zoo because he was no longer earning his keep.

So does that mean he’s completed some court-mandated polar bear rehab, or have the Berlin Zoo’s ticket sales just picked up since his eviction notice?

Who knows. But it wouldn’t be the first time a renewed marketability has transformed a has-been freak of nature into revered legend. (*cough* Michael Jackson *cough*)

Previously:
Knut not so cute, gets the boot
Knut the ‘psychopath’ polar bear gets visit from lonely fan

Aww, Knut, the formerly adorable polar bear of international fame, has a fan. Seems a “lonely” German man hopped into the 440-pound bear’s enclosure at the Berlin Zoo for a visit and autograph before police hauled him away.

Apparently, the man didn’t bother reading my earlier blog post in which it was pointed out that Knut has been labeled a “psychopath” by zoo officials. Yeah, that would’ve been a good thing to know ahead of time.

So what have we learned today, boys and girls?

First, read my blog before considering paying an up close and personal visit to a large zoo animal.

Second, just because a polar bear looks lonely, it doesn’t mean you should try to be its BFF. In all liklihood, it’s probably just bummed about that whole global warming thing. Instead, just push Al Gore over the railing and walk away.

Third, deranged former child stars can be led anywhere with a leg of beef.

Remember Knut, the cudly little polar bear cub that the whole world fell in love with a couple of years ago?

Well Knut isn’t so cute anymore. Nope. In fact, he’s not even white, he’s brown! (Can a polar bear even be brown? Yeah, yeah, I know. I’m just being racist again.)

Anyway, the color of his fur isn’t the problem. The problem is, he’s getting kicked out of the Berlin Zoo because it can’t afford to keep him around. (I’m sure being called a “psychopath” by a zoologist doesn’t help his case.)

Don’t worry, Knut. Just head to Hollywood. There’s always a place there for washed up, unstable former child stars who’ve long outgrown their cuteness and usefulness to society.  (*cough* Lindsay Lohan *cough*)