the tindog coffeehouse » Offbeat

Somewhere on the Ice Planet of Misfit Toys…

jason — Tue, 29 Nov 2011 14:12:45 +0000

Previously:
The story behind ‘A Charlie Brown Christmas’

Squirrel Uprising: On the hunt for the elusive Mojave ground squirrel

jason — Wed, 18 May 2011 13:33:48 +0000

Now that the Navy SEALs have taken down Osama bin Laden, America’s finest can concentrate on a much more elusive, homegrown terror threat: the Mojave ground squirrel.

The Air Force claims their quest to build an automated ground squirrel tracking device is only meant to protect the endangered critters, not destroy them and their fellow insurgents of the Squirrel Liberation Front. Right. Just like Area 51 is just another military base, and JFK wasn’t killed by a tiger.

Previously:
Squirrel Uprising in Vermont: ‘This was an attack’
Squirrel Uprising: The hunters become the hunted
Squirrel Uprising: Spies among us!
Squirrel Uprising: Rise of the black ‘super squirrel’

Squirrel Uprising in Vermont: ‘This was an attack’

jason — Sun, 20 Mar 2011 20:36:09 +0000

The Squirrel Liberation Front has apparently struck the Green Mountains of Vermont, “stalking” the residents of the sleepy shire of Bennington.

“This wasn’t an accident, this was an attack,” said Kevin McDonald of Bennington.

McDonald describes it as something out of an Alfred Hitchcock movie, except instead of birds…

“It kind of startled me and I whirled around to look and saw this furry thing on my back and it was a gray squirrel,” McDonald said.

While McDonald cleared snow from his front yard a gray squirrel jumped onto his back three separate times.

“It jumped at me again and got on my upper arm and started to claw and scratch and I threw it off again and it jumped at me again,” he said with a laugh.

No word yet on whether Ben & Jerry’s will name a new flavor of ice cream after the squirrel, but “Rabid Rodent Rum Raisin” does have a nice ring to it.

Previously:
Squirrel Uprising: The hunters become the hunted
Squirrel Uprising: Spies among us!
Squirrel Uprising: The latest updates

Squirrel Uprising: The hunters become the hunted

jason — Tue, 11 Jan 2011 15:00:22 +0000

In the epic war between mankind and the Squirrel Liberation Front, it seems that mankind has finally gained the upper hand, at least in rural East Texas, where a contingent of courageous men, women, and even children have taken up arms against their tiny, bush-tailed nemeses:

I follow Wayne into an ancient oak bottom, the canopy ten stories above us, only a dim light filtering in. The understory is mostly open, but there are scattered stands of cane, holly, huckleberry, and pine. The birds are just waking up, Carolina wrens, a few warblers or vireos I can’t identify, and a cardinal. We stand listening and looking, and after ten minutes Wayne spots a squirrel high in a tree, cutting acorns. We spend another ten minutes stalking it, feeling the ground with our feet, taking care not to crack twigs, keeping our eyes on the treetops. When the squirrel moves, we move; when it stops, we stop—always careful to keep a screen of leaves between us and the animal. Wayne aims and fires, and the squirrel drops onto the forest floor. At that same moment I hear rustling overhead and see another gray squirrel running between the crowns of the oaks. I lead it and fire twice. It too drops to the ground. Wayne puts both animals in his vest.

Consider yourselves warned, varmints. Don’t mess with Texas.

Previously:
Squirrel Uprising: Spies among us!
All hail the solar-powered squirrel god
Squirrel Uprising: The latest updates